Do As I Say, Not As I Do

We've done encouraging posts, posts on habits, foods, exercise, recipes, etc. A little change of pace. Now for some blog angst...

So, when Sonia and I decided to do this weight loss pool/blog thing, I thought GREAT! I am SO the poster child for weight loss! I know a TON! I lost about 60 lbs with Weight Watchers (from July 2005 thru February 2006). I'd gained a few lbs back (okay, 15lbs), so I thought - no problem! Easy, right?! I did it once, I can do it again.

WRONG.

At least on the 'it being so easy to do it again' part. I am really struggling with finding my way this time. My total weight loss for the first 6 weeks is 1 lb people. That sucks. And its embarrassing. When I started WW back in July 2005, I decided to post my progress every week. I'm all about accountability. So here I am, being acccountable again. I thought the weekly weigh in with the Pool would do it for me this time. Not so much, it seems.

Here are some of the things that I think are holding me back or hindering my progress:

• Other people's perception of me. People still continue to say 'you look great!' Ask me if I'm still losing, etc. There are alot of people at my company, so its not unusual for me not to see people for very long stretches of time. They see me now and think I look great - well, compared to before, that's true. But the difference is, I don't feel like I look good anymore. However, that opinion of myself is no longer being enforced by others - others think I look good, I think I look bad. Does that make sense?
• My will power is shot to hell. Seriously. Within weeks of joining WW before, my desire to cheat was virtually gone. I watched my portions (weighed things even - on a scale!) and stayed in my points pretty strictly. I've started to think like I used to and sabotaging myself at most every opportunity.
• Lack of exercise. I used to do SOMETHING 3 times a week - walking/running usually. It stopped this summer, and with my back getting hurt, resuming it was put off even longer. Then there's all that tv I like to watch, which impedes on my exercise time. Ha.
• I'm tired. Tired of watching what I eat. Tired of thinking about food every waking frickin' hour of the day. Tired of wanting things I know I shouldn't have. Tired of feeling like I can't do it anymore. Just plain tired. I mean, can't I look like Heidi Klum and eat a Big Mac too?
• Considerable amount of job related stress. My job is crazy right now. Trying to balance work, my family, and everything else - it gets hard. It got really hard when I changed jobs in May of this year.

So there you go. I've now unloaded my littany of crap. I'm not trying to dissuade people from losing weight. I can't tell you how worth it it's been. Even having gained back 15 lbs, I can still do things I couldn't do before. People treat me differently now (sad but true.) I know how to do this. I do. I hope I've passed on some of the things I've learned to you all in this process - I've tried to. I just want to find my desire back, my fire to lose it all over again.

In other words, this SOS* is sending out an SOS. (Okay, cheesy, but there you have it.)


*Sergeant of Squish ;-)